| Beard Stories ..... Relive the Horror | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Jed and Beard Biography | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Beard is a fudgepackin' fag who gets beat by his father who's name is Jed A. Whitmore. Beard is a freakin' dork, who parts his auburn hair and wears a cowboy hat to school. He likes to draw pictures of superman and batman.....faggot. He lives in a trailer, he is on food stamps and whenever his father gets the money he blows it on Jack Daniels and pot. Now we go to Jed A. Whitmore, I don't think you want to know, but I'll tell you anyway. Jed is 8'5", 1,803 pounds. He has a long red beard and is covered with hair. The top of his head is bald, like a horseshoe haircut with the sides 5 feet long. He doesn't take no or yes for an answer. He can run the mile in 15 seconds when he is pissed. His d-ck is 36 inches. His punches fly 7 per second. Being hit by Jed Whitmore is like being hit by a mac truck going 80 m.p.h. Now let's talk about Jed's "truck", it's a '68 Brown Chevy pick-up. He was a sniper in Vietnam, or that's what they called it. He just ran full speed through the jungle and shot off his shotgun, naked. He is always naked. He gets any chick he wants. He just tackles them, f-cks them in the -ss, then he breaks their necks. Jed A. Whitmore always says, "F-UCK YOU!!!!!" You will feel the wrath of Jed in these stories, so enjoy or Jed will come!! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Jed teaches Beard to Drive | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Beard awakes under Jed's truck. He hears the footsteps and knows what's coming. Just as Beard turns around Smaaack Jed strikes Beard with the belt, Beard crumbles like a sack of sh-t. Jed yells, "F-ck You!!!" He throws Beard in the back of the truck. They arrive on the highway. Jed gets out and puts Beard in the driver's seat. Beard steps on the gas and slams on the brakes. Jed moves 1 cm. Jed picks up a crowbar and smashes Beard's skull 4516 times. Jed switches places with Beard, and pulls out a hammer and nails. Jed then nails Beard's hands to the dashboard and excells to 100 m.p.h and slams on the brakes Beard's head hits the dashboard. Jed does it 801 more times. Then Jed excells to 120 m.p.h. and slams on the brakes, Beard's hands rip through and he flies through the winshield. Then Jed runs Beard over 506 times. Then Jed gets out of the truck and a car goes by, Jed gets pissed. So he runs full speed and catches the car and headbutts over the guardrial. Then Jed hears cop sirens and runs back and gets Beard and puts him in the driver's seat and the cop comes and comes to the truck. Jed tells him that Beard took him hostage and Beard is arrested. Note: Beard is limp in the driver's seat. Jed sees Beard go away in the cop car, Beard is out. Then Jed sees a green car, and runs it down and pulls the lady out and punches her in the face 1,903 times. Jed says, "I hate green!" Jed leaves the body in a pile blood in the middle of the highway as cars are running her over. Jed leaves by running 10 miles home in 2 minuntes. by: Big Rod | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Jed Takes Beard to Church | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Beard wakes up covered in dry blood and scabs as usual. Then as he looks up he sees as hairyass | and a huge log of sh-t coming down onto his forehead. Then Jed yells "f-ck You!!!" and and then beard wipes off the sh-t and stands up. Jed notices and runs full speed and tackles Beard to the ground and punches him in the eye 949 times at 7 punches per second. Jed yells "we are f*ckin goin to Church" The Jed Tosses beard in to the back of the pickup truck. Jed excells 110 mph down the town road. A cop pulls Jed over and gets out of the car and starts to walk up to the window, he is calmly writing the ticket and then he gets a look at Jed and notices his large erect penis. The cop can't help but to stare at the 36 penis. Then Jed yells"You f-ckin gay?" then he reaches for the shotgun and shoots the cop in the head 31 times and then he speeds to the church. The Pracher says "god bless you all" Jed charges the preACHER AND TACKLES HIM TO THE GROUND and punches him in the head 732 times at 7 punches per second. Then he throughs him through the stained glass. And for no reason Jed picks up a pew and smashes beards skull 578 times cause Jed had an itch....... Beard is out
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